19 Of The Funniest Things Kids Have Ever Said

Reddit users shared the funniest things they’ve ever heard a kid say:

1. “Yesterday we were watching Indiana Jones, and when Indy kissed Marion my six-year-old innocently asked, ‘Is he going to get his whip out now?’”

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2. Kid: “I wish I was a dog.” Mom: “Why’s that, hon?” Kid: “So I could see what my nuts taste like.”

Flickr: tudor / Via Creative Commons

3. “My little cousin was holding my dog when she said, ‘If I squeezed him as hard as I love him, he would explode.’”

4. “When I asked my 3-year-old what he thought heaven was like he said, ‘Everyone drives a monster truck all the time.’”

5. “My niece saw me take off my shirt and, pointing at my chest, asked, ‘How come you got a beard on there?’”

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6. “A kid told me, ‘We’re not supposed to touch a cat’s butt,’ then leaned close and whispered, ‘But sometimes when my momma isn’t looking I do.’”

7. “I was teaching about 9-1-1 and asked the class what you should do if you’re in a car accident. One kid answered, ‘Call William Mattar!’”

8. “When I was a wee child I was at the mall with my mom when I spotted a rather large woman ahead of us wearing a fur coat. I yelled, ‘Mommy, a bear!’”

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9. “I know what the f word means. It’s like sex, but you don’t love the other person.”

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10. “When I was little my dad told me Jesus was there with us in the room. I didn’t understand, so I asked, ‘Daddy, are you Jesus?’ He laughed and said no. Still confused, I then asked, ‘Daddy, am I Jesus?’”

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11. “At the pool my little sister asked, ‘How does that rope stop the deep water from going in the shallow water?’”

Flickr: accesstorec / Via Creative Commons

12. “Panties are just pillowcases for butts.”

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13. Dad: “Do you want Fruit Loops for dinner?” Son: “NO! That isn’t dinner cereal.”

14. “I used a basketball pump needle to clean weed resin out of a pipe the day before a neighbor kid asked to borrow my ball pump. As he pumped his ball he said, ‘Hey! This smells like my uncle Joe’s house!’”

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15. Mom: “Victoria! Behave!” Victoria: “I AM BEING HAVED!”

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16. “At the store a little kid in front of me farted really loudly. The mom said, ‘What do you say?’ and he’s like ‘THAANK YOUUUU.’”

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17. “My 3-year-old told me my vagina has a tail. That’s what she calls penises – vagina tails.”

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18. “At the market my kid said, ‘Why are you buying beer, Dad? Do you know how much candy we could get with that money?!’”

19. “Our toddler threw his spoon on the floor and said, ‘I want a fuckin’ knife.’ My wife and I were shocked until we realized he was actually saying, ‘I want a fork and knife.’”

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